Sunnats and Aadaab of Interacting with one’s Parents – Part 3

9. When you are staying with your parents, then before leaving the home to go anywhere or embarking on any work out of the home, take their permission before leaving.

Similarly, when you are in their company and wish to leave, then inform them before leaving.

10. When speaking to others about your parents, refer to them in a respectful manner (e.g. “my respected father/abba said this”). Similarly, when speaking about them, speak about them with love and honour.

11. When one is engaged in any activity with his parents, then always give preference to them over oneself. For example, when you eat with them, then give them the food first and allow them to commence with the meal first. Do not commence the meal before them.

عن عائشة قالت: أتى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم رجل ومعه شيخ فقال: يا فلان من هذا معكم قال: أبي قال: فلا تمش أمامه ولا تجلس قبله ولا تدعه باسمه ولا تستسب له  (المعجم الأوسط للطبراني، الرقم: ٤١٥٩، وقال العلامة الهيثمي رحمه الله في مجمع الزوائد (الرقم: ١٣٣٩٦): رواه الطبراني في الأوسط وقال: لا يروي عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم إلا بهذا الإسناد عن شيخه علي بن سعيد بن بشير وهو لين وقد نقل ابن دقيق العيد أنه وثق ومحمد بن عرعرة بن يزيد لم أعرفه وبقية رجاله رجال الصحيح)

Hazrat Aaishah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) reports that on one occasion, a person came to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) accompanied by an old man. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) asked him, “Who is this person (referring to the old man)?” He replied, “This is my father.” Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) then advised him regarding the rights of his father saying, “(When you walk with him,) you should not walk in front of him, (and when you both reach a gathering,) you should not sit before he sits, (and when you address him,) do not call him by his name, and do not become the cause for others swearing him (i.e. do not insult people’s parents, as they will insult your parents).”

12. After the demise of one’s parents, one should continue to show honour and respect to the relatives and friends of one’s parents.

عن عبد الله بن عمر، أن رجلا من الأعراب لقيه بطريق مكة، فسلم عليه عبد الله، وحمله على حمار كان يركبه. وأعطاه عمامة كانت على رأسه فقال ابن دينار: فقلنا له: أصلحك الله إنهم الأعراب وإنهم يرضون باليسير، فقال عبد الله: إن أبا هذا كان ودا لعمر بن الخطاب، وإني سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول: إن أبر البر صلة الولد أهل ود أبيه (صحيح مسلم، الرقم: 2552)

It is reported regarding Hazrat Abdullah bin Umar (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) that on one occasion (after the demise of his father Hazrat Umar (radhiyallahu ‘anhu)), he met a bedouin on his way to Makkah Mukarramah. He greeted him with salaam, offered him the donkey that he was riding and gave him the turban that he was wearing. Hazrat Ibnu Dinaar (rahimahullah) mentioned to him, “May Allah Ta‘ala keep you in goodness! These people are bedouins and if you give them something small also, they will be pleased (i.e. there was no need for you to give him so much of wealth).” Hazrat Abdullah bin Umar (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) replied, “This man’s father was one of the close friends of (my father) Umar (radhiyallahu ‘anhu), and I heard Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) mention, “The best form of obedience (to one’s parents after their demise) is for the child to maintain good ties and relations with the friends of his father.”

عن أبي أسيد مالك بن ربيعة الساعدي، قال: بينا نحن عند رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: إذ جاءه رجل من بني سلمة، فقال: يا رسول الله، هل بقي من بر أبوي شيء أبرهما به بعد موتهما؟ قال: نعم الصلاة عليهما، والاستغفار لهما، وإنفاذ عهدهما من بعدهما، وصلة الرحم التي لا توصل إلا بهما، وإكرام صديقهما (سنن أبي داود، الرقم: 5142)

Hazrat Abu Usayd Maalik ibn Rabee’ah (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) reports: “On one occasion, while we were seated in the mubaarak company of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), a man of the Banu Salamah tribe came to him and said, ‘O Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), is there any way left for me to be an obedient child to my parents after their demise?’ Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) replied, ‘Yes, making dua to Allah Ta‘ala to shower His mercy upon them, seeking forgiveness on their behalf, fulfilling the promises that they had made during their lifetime (and were unable to complete), joining family ties with those relatives who are joined to you through them, and showing honour and respect to their friends. (Through doing these actions, you will fulfil their rights and be written among the obedient children).”