Sunnats and Aadaab of Interacting with one’s Parents – Part 1

Among the greatest favours of Allah Ta‘ala upon a person is the favour of parents. The favour of parents is so invaluable and irreplaceable that it is granted to a person only once in his lifetime. Just as the favour of life is only granted once to a person, and when it ends, it will never return, similarly the favour of parents, when taken away, can never be recovered.

Every favour that a person enjoys has certain rights attached to it. When the favour of parents is among the greatest favours, then the rights that are attached to it are among the most important of rights in deen.

The Qur’aan Majeed and Mubaarak Ahaadith are replete with commands and injunctions regarding the great importance of fulfilling the rights of parents and treating them with utmost kindness. In the Qur’aan Majeed, Allah Ta‘ala says:

“Your Rabb has ordained that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind towards your parents. If any one of them or both of them reach old age, do not say to them, “Uff (a word or expression of anger or irritation)”, and do not scold them, and address them with respectful words.” (Surah Israa v. 23)

It is reported in the Hadith that the pleasure of Allah Ta‘ala lies in the pleasure of the parents, and the displeasure of Allah Ta‘ala lies in the displeasure of the parents.” (Sunan Tirmizi #1899)

Once, a Sahaabi enquired from Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) regarding the rights of parents. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said, “They (parents) are either your Jannah or your Jahannum.” (Sunan Ibnu Maajah #3662)

In other words, if one is kind, compassionate and loving towards his parents and obeys them in all permissible matters, he will be blessed with Jannah. On the contrary, if he disobeys them and is harsh and rude towards them, then his evil treatment towards them will be the means of him entering the fire of Jahannum.

Sunnats and Aadaab of Interacting with one’s Parents

1. When speaking to one’s parents, one should speak to them in a respectful and polite manner. One’s approach of addressing them should be a soft, gentle and humble approach. One should never be impolite or rude towards them or even raise his voice when speaking to them.

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلٰهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ﴿الإسراء: ٢٣﴾

“Your Rabb has ordained that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind towards your parents. If any one of them or both of them reach old age, do not say to them, “Uff (a word or expression of anger or irritation)”, and do not scold them, and address them with respectful words.”

2. We are commanded in ​Shariah to serve our parents to the best of our ability, be kind towards them and see to their welfare at all times. We should ensure that we do not hurt them at any time or become the means of causing them inconvenience or pain, whether through our words, actions, behaviour or even through our facial expressions.

عن ابن عباس قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: من أصبح مطيعا لله في والديه أصبح له بابان مفتوحان من الجنة وإن كان واحدا فواحدا ومن أمسى عاصيا لله في والديه أصبح له بابان مفتوحان من النار وإن كان واحدا فواحدا قال رجل وإن ظلماه قال وإن ظلماه وإن ظلماه وإن ظلماه (شعب الإيمان، الرقم: 7538)

Hazrat Ibnu Abbaas (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) reports that Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said, “Whoever spends his day obeying Allah Ta’ala with regard to his parents, then every morning, two doors of Jannah will be open for him. If he only has one parent alive then only one door will be opened for him. Whoever spends his day disobeying Allah Ta’ala with regard to his parents then two doors of Jahannum will be open for him. If he only has one parent alive then only one door will be opened for him.” The Sahaabi asked, “Even if they oppress you (i.e. should you still be kind towards them)?”  Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) replied, “Even if they oppress you! Even if they oppress you! Even if they oppress you! (you should still be kind towards them).”

3. It is necessary and important for one to show respect to his parents and honour them. However, at the same time it should be borne in mind that it is not permissible for one to obey his parents in impermissible matters. The Hadith clearly mentions:

لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالق

There is no obedience to the creation in matters that involve the disobedience of the Creator.

If one’s parents instruct him to do something impermissible in Shari‘ah, then though he should not obey them, it does not mean that he should back answer them or be disrespectful towards them.

In other words, even if they command him to do something wrong, he should not show disrespect to them, but speak to them in a polite and gentle manner and explain to them that it is impermissible for him to carry out what they want as this is in contradiction with the command of Allah Ta‘ala.

Allah Ta‘ala says in the Qur’aan Majeed:

وَإِن جَاهَدٰكَ عَلَىٰ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا (لقمان: 15)

And if they (your parents) force you to ascribe partners to Me regarding that which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them, and remain with them in this world (treating them) with kindness.