Sunnats and Aadaab of the Upbringing of Children – Part 3

16. One should show his children love and affection, and deal with them in a gentle and compassionate manner. However, whenever there is a need for him to correct them, he should correct them, and if there is a need for him to adopt a stern approach when correcting them, then he should do so.

عن أبي هريرة أن الأقرع بن حابس أبصر النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم وهو يقبل حسينا فقال: إن لي عشرة من الولد ما فعلت هذا بواحد منهم فقال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: من لا يرحم لا يرحم (صحيح البخاري، الرقم: 5997)

Hazrat Abu Hurairah (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) reports that Hazrat Aqra bin Haabis (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) once saw Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) kissing (his grandson) Hazrat Husain (radhiyallahu ‘anhu). (On witnessing this,) he mentioned, “Indeed, I have ten children, yet I have not kissed any one of them.” (Hearing this,) Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) looked at him and said, “The one who does not show mercy (to people) will not be shown mercy (by Allah Ta‘ala).”

عن ابن عباس قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: علقوا السوط حيث يراه أهل البيت فإنه أدب لهم  (مجمع الزوائد، الرقم: 13217)

Hazrat Ibnu Abbaas (radhiyallahu ‘anhuma) reports that Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said, “Hang the whip (in a place) where the household can see it (e.g. on the wall), as this will be a means for bringing about adab (respect and discipline) in them.”

17. One should regularly make dua for his children, as the duas of the parents on behalf of their children are accepted by Allah Ta‘ala. One should never curse his children, as it is possible that the curse coincides with the time of acceptance for duas. Thereafter, one will regret the curse he had made.

عن أبي هريرة أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: ثلاث دعوات مستجابات لا شك فيهن: دعوة الوالد، ودعوة المسافر، ودعوة المظلوم (سنن أبي داود، الرقم: 1536)

Hazrat Abu Hurairah (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) reports that Hazrat Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said, “Three duas are such that they will certainly gain acceptance; the dua of the father (or mother, in regard to their child), the dua of the musaafir (traveller) and the dua of the oppressed.”

عن جابر بن عبد الله قال: قال رسول الله  صلى الله عليه وسلم: لا تدعوا على أنفسكم، ولا تدعوا على أولادكم، ولا تدعوا على خدمكم، ولا تدعوا على أموالكم، لا توافقوا من الله ساعة نيل فيها عطاء، فيستجيب لكم  (سنن أبي داود، الرقم: 1532)

Hazrat Jaabir (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) reports that Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said, “Do not curse yourselves, your children, your slaves, or your wealth. Your curse may coincide with the moment (of acceptance of dua) where if anything is asked of Allah Ta‘ala, it will be granted.”

18. Do not burden your children with such responsibilities or chores which they cannot manage.